Last night we drove into Appel Farms in Elmer, NJ from some shows in Virginia (Ashland Listening Room and Bedford). The roads go from the hectic I-95 through Baltimore and D.C. to rural state and county roads. The air becomes fresh and green pastures of alfalfa are all around astonishing quickly! It's amazing to be so close to the city and be in farmland. Elmer is actually really close to Philadelphia and about 30 minutes away.
We'd settled into the end of the drive w/ queitness on the country roads and there was a sudden heavy hit on our windshield. As I heard the sound, I saw a dark large thing hit the top side near me w/ great force and fly off over the side of the van. I was horrified- we'd hit a large flying bird. Probably was a wild turkey but I couldn't tell and all we saw was a mark of blood and feathers on our windshield. Even though we tried to wash it off w/ wiper fluid, it remained there in front of me.
We were both so startled from our silence and how it came out of no where. It was a very disturbing feeling to have hit a living thing and I was very unsettled inside. Guilt flooded me and at the same time I hoped it had miraculously survive- even though, I knew it could not have from the mark on the van.

My mind wandered to how this bird was in the NOW of it's life- flying up into the sky and concentrating on being a bird, when it's life was over. No ideas of anything but living as what it was. Humans are the only living creature that I know of that contemplate actually taking their lives. How screwed up are we, that we would take the gift of life so for granted that we focus on everything but the fact that we are alive now and to enjoy what you've got. It's so difficult to really so called "live in the now" but we better try.