This post is about self-doubt. That is reason that I don't blog more often (btw, this is Jenn not Jon. he's very good at blogging!) I concern myself too much with what all the far superior bloggers and blog readers will think about my entry. Is it possible that anything I could write is going to interest someone enough to read it? Well, I guess that is the beautiful thing about blogs they are personal and the blogger can abandon those negative thoughts...go for it. I'm going to try at least.
Now, to my real thoughts recently about self-doubt and even to the extreme of self-loathing: I think that this must be the way that we strive to become better human beings (or at least I hope it leads there). I really have been going through some serious self-examination of my weaknesses and trying to come to grips with the repeated mistakes they create in my life. If we don't ever realize how flawed we are, then how can we ever lead a fulfilled life with hope for a more enlightened way of being? Maybe this is fuel for the argument of reincarnation. I can't seem to stop being flawed and sometimes it seems that I will certainly need a few more lifetimes to fix it. I'm really troubled by my inability to behave with more love and kindness- this is my main weakness. Why am I realizing these things about myself so late in my life? Maybe people that realize their weaknesses earlier are the people like Jimmy Carter, Mother Teresa, and President Obama. Extremely successful and impactful people. One of my greatest fears is that I will die before my life counts for something and that this whole thing will be a waste. I hope that by trying to overcome my weaknesses, I can lead a more impactful life. I know for sure that I am not alone in this battle and my request to everyone that reads this is to forgive others for their mistakes and to forgive yourself for your own.
Good luck and good thoughts to you for your personal journey and please wish me well for mine!
-Jenn